Brief eye contact and a polite smile used to be the extent of these interactions.
When I take my daily stroll around the neighborhood, nearly every person I pass says hello and makes small talk from a safe distance. Living through a pandemic is unsettling and even terrifying-there’s no doubt about that. Replace them with new, light thoughts, and then those new thoughts can get bigger, louder, and more true. The more room you allow those thoughts to hold, the bigger, louder, more true they feel. But do try to stamp out the darkness and “why bother” thoughts. Reminder: We are not living in a normal time. And the feeling is even stronger and more frequent now, when I don’t know what the world is going to look like on the other side of this pandemic. I hate calling it that, because it sounds so much more intense than what I feel, which is a passive wish to no longer exist. Writing this very piece took weeks of thought and staring at a blank screen. The “we’re all gonna die anyway, so why bother ?” thoughts. I’ve found myself tumbling into the bad thoughts. We are living in a time of uncertainty and fear and anxiety.įor me, the uncertainty is the worst part. We are not living in a time with excess time. High-functioning people often say that if you don’t learn a new skill or get a new side hustle or write a masterpiece or build a new kitchen with all this extra time, that it’s not lack of time that’s the problem. When the future looks blurrier than usual.
When the realization hits that there’s no going back to normal after this-it’ll be a new normal. When the questions lead to more questions, rather than answers. It can be oh, so easy to fall into the darkness during these uncertain times. Here’s Ashley’s experience with and perspective on suicidal thoughts and ideation. This piece is part of our Mental Health Month blog series, where we highlight and explore eight different mental health struggles.
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